Afternoons

I am feeling- Overly hormonal, and more womanly than ever

What else I�m doing- Trying to figure out how to respond on the Wrestling board, and getting ready for work

Strange thought- Why is it sometimes I can come up with incredible posts for my LARP characters, and other times it�s like re-processed sludge?

Well, here I sit in my room at 2:19pm. It is so weird to be writing this in the afternoon. I hope CJ remembers to come and get me, otherwise I�m going to be royally miffed.

I hate the commercials that accompany daytime television. They are wicked dumb, and usually have to do with feminine hygiene, or medicine. I�m talking to Lemon and Nate right now, and it�s kinda fun. Lemon is at work, so he prolly shouldn�t be talking, but screw conventional wisdom! Nate is one of our LARPer�s and he also plays Warhammer. He seemed panicked about Chronicles. He has until Saturday.

My Dark Angel�s army is coming along well. Erik and I would get more stuff for it, but Dave at Scholar�s ran out of stuff.

One Life to Live is a crappy soap opera. I wish GH came on earlier, cause then I wouldn�t miss it during work. Oh well, at least I can watch it on Friday. Happy Friday, Jill�s day off.

Next Tuesday, a week from today, is Smackdown. I can�t wait to go, mostly cause I am needing new t-shirts for sleeping in. I had this great idea for a Triple H shirt, but unfortunately I will prolly have to make it myself. I�m not the best with creative stuff, but maybe I can get somebody else to do it.

I was thinking, Danni had a good idea with her little Random Facts page. Still, I am somewhat of an open book, so what would I tell people. If I mention my fears, I will become paranoid that people will use them against me. Sometimes, I hate having a divided mind. See, as I write this, I�m thinking about how much of an idiot I am to believe that people will try and hurt me, but one and the same, information is the most powerful weapon known to man.

I wish my brother would get a television of his own. I really hate coming home and finding him in my room. It just pisses me off to know that he is making messes and using my stuff, moving my pillows around, putting my TV on channels I would never watch, using the laptop I fought long and hard to use, and most of all, invading my personal space.

Maybe, if he did more or actually had a job, I wouldn�t hate him so much. But when you have fought long and hard to get to where you are, it can really bug you to have to put up with someone who doesn�t work, doesn�t have to do anything around the house, and seems to believe that his or her life is bad. He can go to Hell.

I really need to learn how to get over things like my brother, especially since it is completely out of my hands. I also need to learn how to stop expecting people to be able to read my mind. I mean sure, I have reason to believe I am a special and well-liked person, in my own way, but that doesn�t immediately mean that everyone will be able to know just what I�m feeling, especially through a computer.

I feel like I�m losing my grip on reality a bit, and I proved it last night with Lemon. We were having a perfectly normal conversation, when my computer decided to erase the e-mail I had spent far too long writing. This caused me to get really upset, and I started talking about how nothing really matters anymore, since that damn e-mail was something I should have had done Sunday. That caused me to think about a comment Erik made on my work ethic.

See, I always thought I had a good work ethic. I tend to complain and procrastinate slightly, but I always get the job done before it is actually due. I know a lot of the time that I should just shut up and do the damn job, but complaining actually helps, in a way.

I talked to Lisa, my part-timer. She is doing well, fresh from her vacation. She said everything was going well at the store. I have to go in soon, and I was worried. I worry too much, but I can�t figure out not how to. I wish I could, since I�m starting to agree with Danni about giving myself a coronary.

Why can�t I ever truly get a grip on everything? I feel like my life is sand in my hands, slipping through my fingers. I want the LARP to go well, I want Erik�s car fixed, I want my job stress to just evaporate, and I want to see what it is everyone else sees in me.

Lemon seems to think I am an amazing person. Erik loves me even though I suck monkey, hard core. Danni has faith in me being able to survive as manager, and my family feels I am destined for great things. I am starting to think I am destined to die of too much anxiety.

My old standby relief efforts don�t seem to be working. I have yet to touch the sanity frosting, cause that would show I have exhausted every other option. I find myself being snappish, irritable, and yucky, yet all I want more than anything is to get snuggled and cuddled. I want to lay down with my man and just luxuriate in the senses. I want to fall asleep knowing I am safe in his arms. I want to wake up, look over and see him, and know if I need to reach out and hold him, he is right there. Man, I hate living at home.

Hopefully going to Smackdown will help break up the tedium of my life. Dan Nyren usually cracks me up, so I�m looking forward to that. Lemon, I am sure, will help out too. He tends to know how to make me feel better. I hope I have a similar effect on him, cause I would hate to feel like our friendship is one sided. Sometimes, I feel like I keep him around me because of lingering attraction and the fact that he seems to have psychic Jill soothing powers. Other times, I wonder if I keep him around because no matter how annoying I act, he seems to keep coming back, and this fascinates me. Whatever it is, I�m sure someday I�ll figure it out.

Oh well, I can hear GNC calling me, and man do I need aspirin. The joy of working. Blarg.